I might have said something then but I didn't. It was something to ignore. If I ignore it, I thought, it won't bother me. But that didn't work so well this time. I tried to reason it away. I had never really tried that before. It seemed like the adult thing to do. It took some concentration. I held very still. I thought of all the reasons it didn't matter. I thought about our being free. I thought, what good would it do to tell him something anyway? I felt very adult, reasoning away my emotions. I didn't say a thing. It was a peculiar feeling, it felt very strange. It was like being dead.

Susan Minot