Trap doors & Bubbles

I didn't realize how much I missed people until now. How after a long time, the mere sight or the mere sound of their voice makes me realize how much they mean to me, how much of myself they hold in them.

He told me that he was going to be there and I got nervous and stupid and dramatic. I hadn't seen him until the end when I was walking out the door, when I was wondering if I should go over and say hi. I suppose if he had been looking my way I would have gone over and said hi, but his back was turned towards me.

I remember smiling. I could spot him anywhere. Fucking giant. He was dressed in a suit jacket and his hair was longer, almost back to his Hercules self.

I don't know why, but, during this whole semester, I wanted to stay away. He knows too much about me, things I've never shared because I never had the chance or because he could understand that side that people normally don't understand and that scares me. So I stayed away and it was fairly easy, except when I was TAing, and the lecture was taking a test and I saw this boy at the end look like him. This kid looked like a younger version of him. I couldn't stop staring (I'm such a fucking creeper). Then later, a friend says she saw him just when that class was ending and I missed, as in physically, him. Then I saw her a few minutes later and she was asking me to go with her and I could have, but decided not to since I had class. Then she texted me saying she saw him again. Close calls.

When I saw his back, it made me just melt again, reminded me of his childish nature and how he would look even without seeing his face for over a month. It brought back all these feelings that I try to keep away because honestly nothing will come of it.

My professor said something from her new novel that fit how I felt. She said, "Two halves that can never be whole." It reminds me of Z. & G. & now him, no matter how much I wish things were different, they aren't.

But this isn't just about him. It's also about Day. I haven't heard Day's voice over two months. I didn't realize how much I missed her, her laughter and her support. I felt like I could talk with her forever, but because of stupid lack of service (fucking mountain), I didn't.

I can't wait to snuggle up against her and have all the latest gossip and drama spill from our lips like wisps of smoke. Like him, she can understand me in ways no one else can. I can't wait.