Maybe I'm just Un-boyfriend-able

I am addicted to True Blood and Special A.

Procrastination is the worst; she won't leave me alone to do work.

--Disgruntled face--

Failing Miserably at Trying

I'm trying to not feel down because of everything because I know if I try harder, I'll eventually prevail.

Freeman-Asia Scholarship, a pretty fucking good scholarship, is no longer going to be available for the Summer 2009. Something something about the economy being bad and how they have no money, yada yada. Did they ever think about me? Did they ever ask me how I would feel since I am feeling pretty rotten at this moment!

Honestly, I wish I could scream out my frustration, but then people would think I'm more loony than I already come off as.

Finding a cheap way to study abroad equals ultimate fail.
Pertaining to job applying for the winter equals complete fail.

I'm serpentining through crowds of people at the mall and all I can think about is how can the economy be so shitty when there are hundreds of people shopping right now? Which leads to me thinking about why is the Freeman-Asia scholarship was cut out when there are these crowds--sweat mark inducing and too close for comfort crowds (how will I survive China?)--that are dutifully fulfilling their consumer role.

I am going to puke out the turkey, potatoes, squid, vegetables, fish, ham, red bean ice cream, and grapes I had yesterday due to anxiety.

"Hope" is the Thing with Feathers

"Hope" is the thing with feathers--
That perches in the soul--
And sings the tune--without the words--
And never stops -- at all--

And sweetest--in the gale--is heard--
And sore must be the storm--
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm--

I've heard it in the chillest land--
And on the strangest Sea--
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb--of Me.
-Emily Dickinson

I feel a sense of relief at reading this.

ROAD TRIP! But not really

American and Asian songs permeates through the cracks of the window, eliciting definite impressions on anyone who passes by. To the left and to the right, there are shoulders to be leaned on, it's nice to have boys at my command. haha.

I left at 9:40 AM from my dorm and arrived home at 6:45 PM. Of course the traffic and amazing hair cut -Flushing driving was a major mistake- did partake in this elongated journey. But the important factor is that I have great hair now; also, I am home.





I was like "WTF" during the time I was viewing these.

Media Corrupts

I was never really interested into Binghamton's singing capella and accapella groups, but, since the Asian relief charity, I think it takes a lot of courage, practice, and talent to stand in front of people to perform. It's intense to be able to perform well and make people laugh.

So next term, I want to watch the Binghamtonics, Binghamton's Crosbys (apparently national finalists and have performed in lincoln center and other impressive places), and Treble makers (but I must admit Treble makers are okay except for two girls).

The Binghamtonics


Do you ever notice how attractive someone becomes when they have a talent? I think dancing and singing is extremely adorable, but, then again, I think everything is endearing. What can I say, I'm easily pleased, at least on the surface.

Plus-random thought- Miley Cyrus is not Hollywood worthy.

Typical Science. vs. God Banter

"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."

The other night, I stayed up until 3:00 AM trying to prove that humans do not know everything and that there is the possibility of God. However, my friend, a complete cynic, believes that Science and Math can prove everything and that God DEFINITELY does not exist. If you have ever argued with someone who does not believe in God at all, then you'll understand how hard it is to reason with them. He was very close minded to things, only accepting what his eyes saw or what his teachers taught him. I wasn't even trying to prove God existed; I was trying to say that there is no evidence saying that God does exist and there is no evidence that God does not exist; therefore, one cannot say that God definitely does not exist.

Okay, put your thinking caps on because our verbal argument got pretty intense. He kept using various science/math theories and what not to support his side. I tried to use a simple common sense reasoning with a sprinkle of some Philosophy (aka if this is this and thus that is that haha) as rebuttals because I don't know as much Science as him (biology and engineering), even if I am taking Chemistry.

The only way to really get at someone is to get them to agree step by step until you corner them into thinking something they did not realize. This did not work well for me, even though it should have, because every little thing I said he would deny.

I said that human perception has a slight percent in error. He thought I was talking about individual person's error and how that can be fixed by numerous tests. I said that I was not talking about individual interception, but humans as a whole. What if what we know is not actually what is? Lamp may not be a lamp even if scientists prove it through observations and tests because certain facts may be beyond human comprehension, but, of course, he couldn't believe this. He responded that it is not possible because human error can be fixed. We kept going around in a bloody circle.

Then I said that facts are not facts. He said facts are facts. Well, if facts are modified or changed in any way, then how can they be facts? Are not facts forever? Do they not stay true before, now, and in the future? Are not facts TRUTH? I was trying to show that humans do not know Everything because if theories and facts are modified, then anything can be changed. Hence, we are fallible, and do make mistakes and do not know the Truth. He denies all of this by saying if Fact 1 is modified then it becomes Fact 2. But I was saying if Fact 1 changes to become Fact 2, then it cannot be a fact because it is true only for this time, it might be modified again.

From this, if I ever got an agreement with my side of the argument, then I would say that if humans do not know everything, then they cannot know for sure if God or any super natural events or existences do not exist because it is beyond human capacity. Also, I looked up famous scientists who believed in religion and some still believed in God even when discovering multiple constants and theories. How does he explain how his favorable and intellectual scientists believe in God?

But, in the end, he had the audacity to say he obviously won the argument and that I had no proof for anything. This really frustrates me when people are only thinking about what they can see or prove. Life and nature is too complex for humans to understand to the fullest extent. Science allows us to understand and work with ourselves and nature, but it is not everything that we know.

Real intellectual scientists would understand that religion and science are not separate entities but are part of a larger frame, and are both needed to understand the individual's self.

Bias, difficult and stubborn, needs to be smacked into place.

God works in Mysterious Ways

I've been trying to avoid two people in the building because of some nasty things they have said about people; therefore, I'm not too fond of them at this particular moment. But today I see them everywhere, at the printer, on my way to class, and in the laundry room. IT'S ONLY MIDDAY!

I don't like being forced to make small talk and smile when I know they have been commenting on my life, my roommate's and another friend's.

However, I realized that even though I come to dislike someone, I cannot rid my first impression of them. For example, my uncle who broke up my mom's side of the family, I abhor him; yet, I cannot bring myself to mentally support what I know I should feel. I should hate him, but I do not. I can't bring myself to hate someone who I jested with for so long; someone who has tried to look out for me. I used to believe that their misdeeds would counteract all the good deeds, but it doesn't. They have hidden sins-not so hidden anymore-but I cannot bring myself to see who they have developed into.

I just returned from the laundry room. AGAIN, someone has taken out my clothes from the washer, and that someone is friends with my friend. Luckily, he only took my clothes out of one washer. Luckily, I tried to make small talk and even out the damage I did at the beginning of the year. Of course, he doesn't remember me acting creepy in the elevator.

Me and my big mouth.

Failure is the best way to achieve Success

I haven't been doing as well as I should be in my academic life, perhaps because my social life has stepped up a couple of notches. It's a bit difficult when a billion people rampage into my dorm on a daily basis. For example, the other day, my roommate's boyfriend came in-my roommate wasn't back yet-and flipped on the T.V. to watch South Park. Of course I glared at him, but eventually I gave up studying for Chemistry, and watched Mr. Tweek and the gnomes that stole underwear.

Yesterday, I felt like a big failure. Anxiety bubbled up, and I felt nervous and fidgety to get things done. Even though, I was restless and annoyed with myself, I felt I needed this. For the past month, I have been slacking off; nothing really pushed me. So failure is good for me because it makes me angry. It makes me want to try harder.

This reminds me of what my Psychology teacher spoke about. How some people blame the subject and believe that they aren't good at Math or Science of English; however, people like me always account our failures to lack of effort. Thus, I just need to try harder.

Teen lives 4 months with no heart, leaves hospital

By RASHA MADKOUR, Associated Press Writer Rasha Madkour, Associated Press Writer Wed Nov 19, 4:29 pm ET

MIAMI – D'Zhana Simmons says she felt like a "fake person" for 118 days when she had no heart beating in her chest. "But I know that I really was here," the 14-year-old said, "and I did live without a heart."

As she was being released Wednesday from a Miami hospital, the shy teen seemed in awe of what she's endured. Since July, she's had two heart transplants and survived with artificial heart pumps — but no heart — for four months between the transplants.

Last spring D'Zhana and her parents learned she had an enlarged heart that was too weak to sufficiently pump blood. They traveled from their home in Clinton, S.C. to Holtz Children's Hospital in Miami for a heart transplant.

But her new heart didn't work properly and could have ruptured so surgeons removed it two days later.

And they did something unusual, especially for a young patient: They replaced the heart with a pair of artificial pumping devices that kept blood flowing through her body until she could have a second transplant.

Dr. Peter Wearden, a cardiothoracic surgeon at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh who works with the kind of pumps used in this case, said what the Miami medical team managed to do "is a big deal."

"For (more than) 100 days, there was no heart in this girl's body? That is pretty amazing," Wearden said.

The pumps, ventricular assist devices, are typically used with a heart still in place to help the chambers circulate blood. With D'Zhana's heart removed, doctors at Holtz Children's Hospital crafted substitute heart chambers using a fabric and connected these to the two pumps.

Although artificial hearts have been approved for adults, none has been federally approved for use in children. In general, there are fewer options for pediatric patients. That's because it's rarer for them to have these life-threatening conditions, so companies don't invest as much into technology that could help them, said Dr. Marco Ricci, director of pediatric cardiac surgery at the University of Miami.

He said this case demonstrates that doctors now have one more option.

"In the past, this situation could have been lethal," Ricci said.

And it nearly was. During the almost four months between her two transplants, D'Zhana wasn't able to breathe on her own half the time. She also had kidney and liver failure and gastrointestinal bleeding.

Taking a short stroll — when she felt up for it — required the help of four people, at least one of whom would steer the photocopier-sized machine that was the external part of the pumping devices.

When D'Zhana was stable enough for another operation, doctors did the second transplant on Oct. 29.

"I truly believe it's a miracle," said her mother, Twolla Anderson.

D'Zhana said now she's grateful for small things: She'll see her five siblings soon, and she can spend time outdoors.

"I'm glad I can walk without the machine," she said, her turquoise princess top covering most of the scars on her chest. After thanking the surgeons for helping her, D'Zhana began weeping.

Doctors say she'll be able to do most things that teens do, like attending school and going out with friends. She will be on lifelong medication to keep her body from rejecting the donated heart, and there's a 50-50 chance she'll need another transplant before she turns 30.

For now, though, D'Zhana is looking forward to celebrating another milestone. On Saturday, she turns 15 and plans to spend the day riding in a boat off Miami's coast.

Pesto is Amazing-o

It is the first time I got pesto on my sandwich because I always wanted to try it; however, I really don't know what it actually is. My final impression of it is that it is really yummy or maybe it's the Italian dressing. Anyways, all that matters is that my sandwich is delicious.

I don't think this is a good idea, but my water boiler is next to all the wires connected to my computer, the microwave, the speakers, the rice cooker-we aren't technically allowed to have electric items-and the vacuum. I know. Way to be safe Pauline. Laziness makes you do crazy things.

I'm slowly progressing into a Dining Hall thief, stealing minor items like napkins-hilarious pursuit- and teabags. We already stole soy sauce, hot sauce, and honey (hearts honey). I'm frightened one day someone will catch me and then they'll force me to do manual labor, like scrub every inch of the Dining Hall floor with my tongue. Exaggerated, but certainly possible!

I'm drinking tea and it tastes sweet, but odd. I think it's the Splenda I added. Splenda has supposedly 0 calories, but I don't understand how that's even possible. How can something be sweet and good when there's no calories? It's paradoxical.

My Chemistry professor has ruined every girl's expectations of marriage. He said that diamonds aren't forever! Apparently, at a certain temperature and pressure, they return to their graphite state. I must insert a HAHAHAHAHA. When he said it, he said so matter of factly; he must have made his wife cry. I'm sure his wife was screaming, "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER!" And he probably replied, "Well, that's not quite true. You see. When it changes back to a certain temperature..." Oh, the highlight of my day.

Super Freaking Fast Entry

I am trying to speed up my thinking process because lately I've been brain dead.

Homework, studying, and other various errands I should have been accomplishing have been piling up. Actually, I just mailed a letter to my friend, who had written to me at the second to last week of October. She had called me last last week saying how she looked expectantly into her mailbox to see a letter from me. Instead, she found zilch and maybe a speck of dust. Sorry?

So I haven't really gotten over my craving for green bean casserole. And I'm tempted to run down to my RD (she's in charge of the building) and force her to cook it for me. She made it last time for the Thanksgiving potluck and I cannot get over it until I eat the whole tub of it by myself. I was even looking up crispy onions to put on top!

Lars Crispy Onions is from Holland. Exciting.

Anywho, my next article pertains to California's Proposition 8 and how gays are being treated. I always like to come off intelligent, as if I actually know what's going on in the world. But in truth, I am as lost as everyone else. However, not everyone needs to know that.

I was skimming this article about how Hilary Clinton is a possible candidate for Secretary of State. Did you know I was a Hilary supporter before I was a Obama supporter? Not because she is a woman, even though that does matter to a certain extent, but because she has experience and she has been fighting for what she wants for a long time; she's ambitious and strong.

Although, she did not win the Democratic nominee, I still adore her. Amusingly, before I read about her or watched her in debates, I hated her because she was a woman. See, how bad bias is.

Bill Clinton could pose Cabinet problem

• Story Highlights
• Barack Obama met with Hillary Clinton about secretary of state post
  
• Bill Clinton has complicated global interests that could present conflicts
  
• A particular issue could be donor list of Bill Clinton's global foundation
  
• Secretary of state might work on diplomatic stage with Bill Clinton donor countries
  

By Alexander Mooney
CNN

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Former President Bill Clinton's international business dealings, global foundation and penchant for going off script could present a significant obstacle to Hillary Clinton becoming secretary of state, observers say.

On the one hand, his established relationships with world leaders could instantly make the New York senator a welcome face in embassies around the world.

On the other, his complicated global business interests could present future conflicts of interest that result in unneeded headaches for the incoming commander-in-chief.

"These are issues that I'm sure are being discussed, and they will have to be worked out, and it's legitimate to ask these questions," said James Carville, a former aide to the Clintons and CNN contributor. Watch: Does Clinton want the job? »

Two officials with President-elect Barack Obama's transition team confirm to CNN that it is investigating Bill Clinton's finances and post-presidential dealings. As part of the early vetting process, the team is looking for any negative information that could throw the prospect of Hillary Clinton as secretary of state into jeopardy.

A particular issue could be the donor list of Bill Clinton's global foundation, which might show connections to international figures who push policies that might conflict with those of the new Obama administration.

Obama last week asked Clinton if she would consider being his secretary of state, multiple sources told CNN. Clinton's response is expected this week.

Since exiting the Oval Office eight years ago, Clinton has reportedly raised more than $500 million for the foundation, a significant portion of which financed the construction of his presidential library. The foundation has also doled out millions for AIDS relief in Africa and other charitable causes around the world.

Amid repeated criticism from Sen. Clinton's primary opponents, Bill Clinton would not reveal the extent of the foundation's donor list earlier this year. But The New York Times has reported the list includes some foreign governments, including members of the Saudi royal family, the king of Morocco, a fund connected to the United Arab Emirates, and the governments of Kuwait and Qatar.

The former president has also reportedly solicited funds from international business figures connected to human rights abuses that his wife has outwardly criticized, including the governments of Kazakhstan and China.

During the New York senator's White House bid, critics repeatedly said that foreign governments and business executives could try to exert influence through donations to the foundation, prompting a pledge from the former president to publicly disclose all future donors.

Observers say the same criticism is likely to be raised should Hillary Clinton become secretary of state, especially if countries she is dealing with on the diplomatic stage have at the same time donated heavily to her husband.

The matter could be complicated even further if it remains unclear exactly which foreign governments are supporting Clinton's foundation and to what extent. On Monday, Politico reported that Obama's team is seeking more information about the former president's finances and is growing frustrated over the Clinton camp's response.

The Obama officials disputed the Politico report, but confirmed the transition team is seeking unspecified records from the former president to get a better handle on issues related to his foundation work and presidential library to try to deal with potential conflicts of interest.

Also at issue is the former president's role in general should his wife become secretary of state. Since leaving office, Bill Clinton has become a globetrotter of sorts, amassing millions in speaking fees as he gives talks before corporations around the world.

The Obama administration would probably seek to curtail that practice amid worries that the former president's words could contradict those of his wife at times and make unclear to some just who is speaking for the United States government. But it's unlikely that Clinton, who has always enjoyed the spotlight, would be willing to retreat from the public eye.

"She really has to sit down with her husband and work through where does this leave him," said David Gergen, a senior political analyst for CNN who worked in Clinton's White House. "After all, he's very deeply involved in the Clinton Global Initiative, doing good around the world. Could he continue to do that? Would he have to shut it down? Could he take money from people? There are lots of secondary questions."

Even more problematic could be the former president's history of going decidedly off message during speeches and his willingness to blatantly speak his mind seemingly without regard for the political fallout.

During her presidential bid last year, Sen. Clinton at times publicly criticized her husband for things he said on the campaign trail, and in one particularly embarrassing moment for the campaign, she told him to "knock it off."

But ultimately, the duty of keeping the former president in check may fall to the New York senator should she assume the top diplomatic post.

"If he doesn't stay on script, she's going to have to discipline him, just like she did in the campaign," said Gloria Borger, a CNN senior political analyst.

"It won't be up to Obama, it will be up to her."

Food Baby is a Good Baby

So after going to Olive Garden, I am in love with salad with olive oil vinaigrette.
And after going to the potluck, I am in love with green bean casserole.
And after going to the Asian Relief Charity, I am in love with Chinese cabbage.
I love you vegies!

I didn't think my binging phrase would return so quickly!

And as I am typing this, I am finishing up my spaghetti and meatballs.

Who says being fat isn't rewarding?

I walked down the bridge from the library to my dorm and I just wanted to smile. I have a tendency to do that a lot here. Sometimes as I'm walking to class, I turn my head up to the sky and breathe in the scenery. (People must think I'm crazy, which I won't even try to deny.) There are occasions where the sky is endlessly clear with bubbles of milky-white clouds and the air is crisp and refreshing like a glass of cold water(yummy water vapor (vapor pressure( Chemistry)) ugh).

I'm hoping to travel abroad this summer. I know that I have been slacking in this arena and in all my subjects, but I think it would be a great experience. Study Abroad is something I need to take advantage of. It's not what if I cannot understand Chinese people or what if I don't do well in my Chinese classes; it's how hard I will push myself to achieve my own ideals and I want to speak Chinese and read Chinese fluently one day. I want to be able to teach my children Chinese one day.

I guess it is a form of vanity since I do want my heritage to continue, even if there are billion Chinese people in the world. No one is as cool as me though!

On another note, Thanksgiving is racing towards me like Speedy Gonzales (my former boss's former nickname for me). Gobble gobble! Turkey time! I cannot wait to eat and eat and grow my second Food Baby. Also, one day, when I am no longer scared, I will do Black Friday shopping; however, for now, I am content to sleep in after Thanksgiving.

Plus I am broke.


Green Bean Casserole !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ex-Olive Garden Virgin

I AM NO LONGER AN OLIVE GARDEN VIRGIN!

I ordered Chicken Shrimp Carbonara. It was delicious!! I'm still eating it and we have a thanksgiving potluck in like two hours.

Who's getting fat? I AM I AM!

Laundry Days does not mean BITCHING days

I did my laundry yesterday. The laundry room was packed, but it's no reason to take someone else's clothes out so that one can put their own clothes in. I wasn't even late; my clothes JUST finished washing and some dumb girl takes my clothes out.

I have two problems with this.

1. I don't want my FRESHLY washed clothes to touch anything dirty.
2. I don't want any of my clothes to go missing.

But, of course, after folding my clothes after 3984723847 hours of being in the laundry room, three socks from three separate pairs of socks were missing. You might not think this is a big deal, but socks are actually one of the necessities that I need and, plus, I only have a few of them. It's hard to come by cute socks! So they ended up in her laundry too, and my friend badgered her into looking for them, but found only one of my valuable socks!

To say I was pissed was an understatement. I know people shouldn't get upset about minor things like this, but I get very touchy about my clothes. So I got my friend and we poured Sprite down in her washer.

What? It's definitely not as bad as using Fruit Punch or Coke-my friend's idea and mine-but we were a little nicer than expected.


I want Diablo III!!

Hopefully Dreamless

Taking a nap after an early class is not a good idea unless one is really tired; otherwise one will wake up from disturbing dreams, like mine, and be even more tired, like me.

In my first dream, I dreamt that aliens were invading our dorm. I woke up from my dream IN my dream to realize it was 6:00 pm when I went to sleep at 11:13 am. I was scared shitless and confused too. I don't think the idea of aliens invading, disguised as people we knew or as humans, was daunting, but because there was a lapse in time that I could not explain. Rather I was more disturbed with missing class and not accomplishing what I should have been doing-yes I know, I an a nerd. However, don't get me wrong, the invasuon of aliens was a bit frightening.

Afterwards, some Chinese lady called me on my cell and was speaking in Mandarin. I have a thing with speaking in Mandarin, but I was semi-conscious and replied. Unfortunately, she kept talking and talking and asking me questions about my telephone company-I think. I never wanted to end the conversation like that, but I did hang up on her as she was speaking to me. I was fed up. Wasn't it enough that I said this cell is in the hands of my father? Wasn't it enough that I said my father wasn't home? Why do you have badger me for not knowing my father's name?

Pictures are not mine.

Blue Sky is Sky Blue

Why are there some people who plaster a false smile on their face when they see someone? I do it occasionally, but only if I have real reason to. Some of the acquaintances seem annoyed at me or dislike me due to other friendships I have. This may lead to relational aggression, which kids from early childhood/middle childhood go through.

And here is my opinion; I don't really care.

It just irks me to no end when we come into contact. Fess up and say something.

On another academic note, I've been constantly trying to look for spots in Shakespeare. I DON'T EVEN LIKE SHAKESPEARE! Sometimes when I read a Medieval poem or a Renaissance poem, I think, "What are they talking about?" and "Huh?".

Think'st thou to seduce me then
by Thomas Campion


Think'st thou to seduce me then with words that haue no meaning?
Parats so can learne to prate, our speech by pieces gleaning :
Nurces teach their children so about the time of weaning.

Learne to speake first, then to wooe : to wooing, much pertayneth :
Hee that courts vs, wanting Arte, soon falters when he fayneth,
Lookes a-squint on his discourse, and smiles, when hee complaineth.

Skilfull Anglers hide their hookes, fit baytes for euery season ;
But with crooked pins fish thou, as babes doe that want reason ;
Gogions onely can be caught with such poore trickes of treason.

Ruth forgiue me, if I err'd, from humane hearts compassion,
When I laught sometimes too much to see thy foolish fashion :
But, alas, who lesse could doe that found so good occasion !

Smelly Cat Smelly Cat-

I hate Asian stories; they're always about love and about the "fated" one. It's rather sad when I have such high expectations due to these fictional stories and realize later that it's just a story.

And, yet, I cannot help but continue to read, and hope and hope.

I was reading this yesterday, Love Luck.

Random new thought.

If I could be something to eat, I would be a strawberry strudel, even though I have never eaten them before.

Secrets that Unite

Human beings are complex, too complex to comprehend for only a moment of time, and too complex even for a life time.

I have this tendency to underestimate people, which is either a present flaw or a flaw in my character. People have all these different depths that I have never realized until I start breaking them down and it reveals something far from what I had expected.

The core of a person is not a diamond, not sparkling or typically beautiful, but rather dull and black. Yet, somehow, it is rather captivating. The sense that one is not alone, that everyone is not perfect, but has secrets and pains that do unify the whole if ever the whole reveals its darkest turmoils.

Wow, that totally sounded like a quote from someone important. Ha ha. Sometimes I am so deep.

Rain is Sucking my Life Away

I am most disgruntled on the weekend when the room is dark and I hear the stampeding of rain drops on the ground. I curl up more and snuggle into my blankets and try to convince myself to sleep later since the room is dark and it's raining.

I like rainy days, but sometimes they feel unproductive.

I went to Habad yesterday, a Jewish service place, with my friends. I am not Jewish; I used to be Christian. Thus, it reminded me of my church except expanded and more laid-back. The new extension was HUGE, like a mansion! They had a fitness room, a huge screen t.v., a kick-ass dining area, a game room, and a place to sell cookies, pizza, and etc. I remember walking through it and thinking, "What the hell? No wonder this building was 3 million dollars!" Also, there was a freaking couch in the freaking bathroom! No wonder boys expect couches to be in girl's bathroom.

I also ended up sitting two seats away from the Rabbi. This drew unneccessary attention for me since everyone was looking at our table and my raven hair and Asian good looks stuck out like a sore thumb. I have to be honest and say that the Rabbi reminded me of my Pastor-who friended me on facebook-and I thanked him for the free meal, which was delicious. I wish I could have spoken to him, but it felt inappropriate. I wanted to learn more about the Jewish culture. They don't seem so different from Christianity or Catholicism because it did originate from Judaism. There is a sense of kindness and unity that is overwhelmingly familiar in every religion; it evokes a sense of religious pride in me again.

Hence, i had a ripping good time yesterday night, but highly doubt that I will return. Right after I left Habad, I said that I felt a little Jewish now, but flipped open my cell phone afterwards, which apparently is not a very Jewish thing to do on the Sabbath.

My column for this week.

The “Unknowns” and the “Excluded” are people we all know and recognize, perhaps because we are surrounded by them or perhaps because we, too, feel like one. I cannot tell you what their names are — unless I look at the door tags — or who their friends are, or if they prefer science to English, or if they have siblings or lovers. What I can say is that they are not as remote as they seem because, in actuality, they live next door or down the hall. The “Unknowns” are students who pass by daily without any interaction, without so much as a squeaky “Hi.” Or if there is, there is no substance in the conversation, no real connection. They are there and you are here; no effort is made to close the widening gap that accumulates as the school year goes on. The “Excluded” are those that your friends reject due to a specific incident or because they are too embarrassed to be seen with them. They are unfortunately exiled and most of the time don’t know it. As an outsider looking in, though, it is quite obvious who is not fully accepted. Most would blame them and state, “Oh, their personality sucks!” That may be true, but what about those who are misunderstood or disliked simply because they are different?

I will not pretend that I am a saint that sees through everyone or tries to talk to every person on my floor, but at the very least, I am civil to people. I try not to talk about someone else unless I know I would say it to their face. This is not just a form of polite etiquette; it is called respect. Respect should be given to every human being, particularly if someone was once a friend. It is incredible to see how some people turn on each other at the first sign of distress or anger. It says quite a lot about one’s character when one does not even bother to inform the recently “Excluded” that they are no longer liked. This brings backstabbing to a whole new level.

The hard truth is that when someone detests another person, they gossip with their friends. This may not sound like an Earth-shattering dilemma, but their negative views will spread to others. Then, unconsciously, people will find themselves avoiding the same person without any real reason, which, unfortunately, I can personally attest to. However, I regret that I have mindlessly followed at times because there is no excuse to hurt a person’s feelings unless they were insulting and offensive. Everyone should have the opportunity to feel accepted; therefore, as a person, everyone is encouraged to develop a sense of humanitarianism.

Also, pertaining to the “Unknowns,” I must say that I loathe this label the most, or rather, the situation behind the label, not because it is not true, but because this has nothing to do with other people. The sole reason they are unknown is because I make no effort to familiarize myself with them. They have ambitions, passion and pain that I can sympathize with or even empathize with, but if I continue my pathetic lack of communication, then nothing will change. They will continue their lives and I mine. Thus, rather than lamenting all the potential friends I could have made, I will stalk the residents of my hall and gather to have a tea party.

Late Night Post

I have a fetish for plaid pajamas. I will admit I will jump people who wear plaid pajamas. Several people on my floor wear them and as they walk pass me, my eyes go bug-eyed like this O.O.

I have way too much plaid. Plaid socks, plaid shoes, plaid book bag, plaid shirt, my friend's plaid blanket, and a plaid jacket (which I never wear anymore). You'd think I hate plaid, but I still think it is the cutest thing on a boy (and girl...no homo).

Drool.

OBAMA REVOLUTION

I would like to thank George W. Bush for doing a tremendous job at fucking up the nation, because without his effort we would not have the first African American President of the United States!

I just read Obama's email to all of us at moveon.org and I just want to cry because I never believed that this was possible. Obama signifies change that I cannot wait to witness.

Friend --

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing... All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

This picture has been on my wall since the beginning of college.

You can change Ameria

DONT FORGET TO VOTE! It is in your power to change the course of history.

Dear Santa

I am five seconds from just collapsing. Either I'm tired because of the two fire drills that were literally back to back at 8 AM or because I am terribly sick. Cough. Cough.

Random News
Obama's grandmother died, which is extremely sad since he was spending so much time on his campaign and couldn't spend enough time with his grandmother. I hope he wins the presidency.

Dear Santa,
For Christmas, I want White Castle! I think it is fair to say it is a modest gift and easily attainable or cook-able.
Thanks Santa =]

Dear Santa,
I wish people would stop hurting other people.

It says a lot when someone pretends to be one thing and is actually another. I dislike false people, but even more so when they are speaking badly of others without a real reason besides just being "annoyed". The worst part of this is that I am consciously and unconsciously influenced by what my friends do and by what they speak on. I haven't been going out of my way to make EVERYONE accepted. I should because I have nothing against these people. It's upsetting to see people excluding others when everyone wants to be accepted and have a real friend. This is what leads to stuff like what happens in Kelly Rowland's Stole.



Get real. Do you think making people feel like shit is going to make things better? We're not in elementary school anymore.

Separate but relating to, if only I had the capability, the sympathy, and the ambition to care for those who have immense inner pain.

It hurt so bad

Last night, I lost my virginity to someone I didn't know. I drank too much and I just gave into this guy's affection. I didn't mean to...it just happened. He kept touching me and pressing his face into my neck. I was too dizzy to stop him. Actually, I think I liked that he kept touching me.

He finally brought me to his room, it was covered in Metallica posters. Perhaps I should have noticed something wrong, but when you're drunk you just don't give a damn. I think he took off my shirt and then my pants. It was really hard to remember; it was a bit of a blur. The whole time I was wondering if I should continue with this. I was also wondering where Nat was and if she was okay. She left with some guy she didn't know either. We were too irresponsible last night.

I found blood on my panties this morning, it was the most disturbing image ever.

One more thing,

I am totally kidding.

This is why you can't trust a writer.

Belated Halloween

I went trick-or-treating. The parents and elderly looked at us and kept asking why so many college students were trick-or-treating. Um. Obviously we like to be hopped on sugar too!

A little boy gave me a lollipop; he was the cutest child ever. I wanted to kidnap him.

I went as an Amazon afterall. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been.


Beyonce's new song is really overwhelmingly touching. It makes me want to cry.


Being moral is a difficult path to follow; there are many tempting options one can choose. Should I steal even though I paid for dining hall food already? Should I flirt with this boy or that? Should I take out someone else's laundry when it's done?

Should I stop myself from advancing when it might indirectly hurt someone else; even though, it makes me happy?

Sometimes it is okay when one should pursue what they want and disregard how others feel, but these are rare instances.