scatter-brain

I had one of those bad headaches again yesterday, so I slept at 8:30 pm--pretty much after dinner. I woke up at 6 am and returned to sleep to wake up once again at 12pm.

I haven't been sleeping much at school; I wake up paranoid and nervous. At home, I feel safe.

Dreams:
I was making these elaborate subs, turkey, cheese, everything, in the store. I spent an incredible amount of time making them, but in the end I forgot to purchase them. However, I was famished (like I am in real life for the past week), like there wasn't enough food in the world to fill up my appetite. The next dream consisted of me in the grocery store again, stealing chocolates: M&Ms, chocolate bars, etc. As I was doing it, I felt guilty, but I couldn't stop myself. I was on a rampage. When I got to the cashier, I bought some of the chocolate and hid the rest in my purse. A summer day camper saw me buy all this chocolate and began to make fun of me. I can't explain why, but that set me off. I was humiliated, angry beyond reason. I took my chocolate and jumped into the elevator to leave, but I realized as I was going down that I left my purse with the stolen chocolate behind.

I was driving on these roads--my driving was absolute shit, kept driving past the places I needed to be at.

My cousin asked me why I'm stressing over a boy who's not really thinking about anything and that until he does, I shouldn't worry so much. That's that.

I was talking to my aunt yesterday, she told me that I'm different from how I was when I was younger. It kind of caught me off guard. I asked her how so, but she couldn't say. She didn't say it in a way that implied that I matured, simply that I was different. I'm not sure if she meant it in a good or bad thing.

Why do we pretend everything is okay, when nothing is?
Maybe because we need some semblance of sanity.