Was it you

I type this now because I have gotten past it. I type this now because I don't expect the person this is about to read it.

When I attended that IV large group meeting months ago, I felt that God was speaking to me for once. The lesson was about how God gives you what you need, but may not give you what you want because what you want could end up harming you. God can see the larger picture, while you (me) only see that one piece of it. It's one of those lessons that comes off as commonsense, but one I forget and ignore often.

I didn't feel that I deserved you. I know that sounds degrading to myself, but I mean that I could feel that you were meant for someone else. That night, I prayed. I prayed with my heart that I would get over you and that you would find the right person. But even though, I tried my hardest to get over you at the time, I still wanted you. I still hoped. Every time I saw your name, it made my heart twinge and I didn't want to hear anything about you. I didn't want to know how great you were and how many things you were doing. I didn't want to think about you anymore.

So that when you were brought up again, I didn't recognize you.

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Last night, I was talking with Tom and he told me that someone waited for him for 8 years, but eventually ended up marrying his best friend. This statement makes me sad for many different reasons.

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God, where will you take me now?