I'm losing touch with reality. I need to stop avoiding and start confronting.

"Women shouldn't ask for what they know they can't get," Harry said matter-of-factly. "That's the mistake they make."
-Susan Minot

Sometimes I get so caught up in nonsense that I lose sight of the important matters in my life and I don't realize all the great things I've been given.

For example, the job that I'm working is in the Visual Arts Collection, and though making slides is tedious, my job gives me the opportunity to look at these beautiful paintings made by famous artists as Picasso, Monet, Manet, and Van Gogh. When I look at their art, I feel as though I'm transported back to their century and that I can feel each stroke, each detail, each emotion.

For example, I'm part of a research team that's welcoming (like my job) and is insightful in the area that I'm interested in. I'm going to work with someone who trusts me and values my opinion.

For example, I'm writing stories that will be read by a creative writing professor that enjoys my writing and I won't have to worry about competing with other students for her attention.

I'M INCREDIBLY LUCKY BITCHES!

The Truth is Hard to Take

Another he said to me that he didn't like me because if he did, he would want to be in a relationship with me. If he had liked me, he would overcome any problems to be with me.
And didn't I know this from the very beginning?

Man, I need to shut the fuck up. hahaha I'm just through with this nonsense.

I wish I was with you.

This will become detachment

I always thought I could travel through life without getting hurt. And though this time isn't all that different, I feel that again I have lost another opportunity for happiness. In fact, we didn't even get a chance to get up to that opportunity and I was crying more for that than anything else.

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

Perplexed

This past week has led me to the question of: Huh???????

I don't want this to be a what-if--I want to see this through to the end, even if I hurt or get hurt.

I need to focus because I'm just a tiny bit fucked up right now. HA!