I'm on track and it's relieving. But for some reason, I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth.

Am I really rejecting job offers now? Am I crazy?

Some chances come once in a lifetime. Then there are the chances that will repeatedly show itself, but you never take it the first time around, and it's never the same after.

"Because," he said, "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you — especially when you are near to me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land, come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly."

Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!
-Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

This is going to sound ludicrous, but I was telling my friends that starting September, I want to be romantically celibate for a year. I know that life doesn't work like that. I understand, considering my past history, why my friends are in complete disbelief. However, if I can put my mind to it, why can't I do it? I want to be able to concentrate on my career, on my family, on my friends, on myself, and most importantly, I want to look for God more.

I need to mature in my faith. I don't want boys as distractions anymore, especially when they've all been disappointments. If a guy can push me to the side and say he wants time for himself because he wants to prioritize his shit, why can't I? I'm not waiting around for my prince charming. I don't need a prince charming. I want to be prince charming for fuck's sake, in everything except the gender. I don't need anyone to save me.


Yeah, this video may completely contradict what I just stated, but I think Travie and this video are hilarious. Besides, this video should be seen by a certain someone anyhow.

I want a guy who's romantic. The one who isn't afraid to jump.

Talking to friends from my past always puts things into perspective. They motivate me to want to achieve more and enjoy life.

To Justine and Gurpreet, I hope you guys have amazing adventures in China and India.

No more chances.

Fuck you fate. I will get what I want.

Current obsessions:
Yoga, books, Suits, Gossip Girl (guilty pleasure), applications, The New Yorker, and New York Cares

Usa: If he'd be a good bf then...why not put in the effort? I just feel like if you do want him that badly...then why the fuck not?
Me: Because he doesn't want me.
Usa: He's retarded.

I know.

Maybe romance doesn't exist. Maybe it's only a figment of the imagination.

I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It starts on the first day of November and ends on the last day of the month. I have to write 50,000 words. Oh crap.

Having a planner is nifty.

I wonder how many people viewed my resume and laughed.

CarrollBlog 8.2

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

Officially a sellout. But I'd rather be a sellout and find a job.

I'm debating on whether I should register for a separate blog and Twitter account for professional reasons. It seems that in the professional world, if I can provide links that show how committed, intelligent, and responsible I am, it can give me an advantage. However, I'm not the kind of person to sign up for multiple accounts and have the patience to update each one. I'd end up ignoring most of them except the one. Do I really want to revolve my life around professional websites that I know is only tailored towards recruiters?

I am a big fool.

My aunt left for Houston a few hours ago. As I watched her stand on the line for security check, I became overwhelmed with this feeling of being left alone. Even though I know she'll return, I wonder for how long. I know one day she has to return to her immediate family permanently. She can't stay with my dad and I forever. And now that I'm taking over her chores, it reminds me how much I take her for granted.

I need to grow up and handle my shit.

dándole todo tu corazón

PSHAW

Please just bear with me for today

Can you give me your chest for a couple of minutes? So I can lay my head on it, take in your smell, and forget everything else.

Forget that I have responsibilities and forget that you still aren't mine.