Coincidental--Mental

As I was coming home yesterday, I saw Raf on the train. I haven't seen him in a couple years. He sat nearby and put his headphones on, and I was too lazy and too embarrassed to get up and say hi. When his stop came up, the one before mine, he got up and we were able to make eye contact. He said, "I haven't seen you in so long". The doors closed and I said, "Weren't you supposed to get off?" He said, "Nah, I haven't seen you in a while, it's worth it to talk to you".

I kid you not he said something along those lines, I felt so special. haha

So he talked and I talked trying to dissipate any awkwardness before it arises and he walked me home.

I realized that I'm not hiding from everyone from my past. There are people who I do miss and who I do wish to see. It's good to know that I'm not completely avoiding my past.




This video is on constant replay. Oh GD.

How Foolish of Me

To think that not just anyone can write is such a presumptuous thought. I've come to realize that anyone can write creatively as long as they possess the emotions to relate. Grammar and all those literary techniques are influential in writing, but at the same time it does not take any of those superfluous rules of English to have the reader understand what the writer is trying to say or how the writer feels.

Queen of Glass is a beautifully written, and inspirational, fiction piece written on fictionpress.com. It's actually being published, I knew it would, but just knowing that it's reachable or rather possible...it forces all my anxiety and hopes and dreams to brim over.

This is what I wanted, but it is not close to what I needed

Snacking on Chinese crackers and Kit Kat is not how I imagined my Spring break to be, then again I assumed it would turn out this way. After the first full day's rest, I started to feel anxious again, thinking about my future and how I'm wasting away any potential I might have. I'm in the prime of my youth, but it feels like I'm still a little kid who has no clue with what's going on in the world. It's frustrating to know that only after the years have past will I realize what I should have done.

Is it pathetic that I'm a dreamer or is it more pathetic that I'm too cowardly to achieve them? There's too many things I would like to get better at or achieve, but not enough confidence or courage to do so.

If a gloomy day can change drastically into a sunny one, would it be too much to expect that I will become someone I hope to be.

Sigh no more

"[She] walked towards me, directly at me, and just said 'Hi.' And then I just knew, you know, it's over with," he told Oprah.

I was thinking of how much I would love to have a Henry Tilney or a Benedick, but I never thought such a perfect man would exist, since they're fictional. But I stand corrected. Johnny Depp (and Hugh Jackman) you perfect men you!

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never:
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy:
Then sigh not so, etc.

Like usual, I don't realize the intention or the beauty of certain writings until someone explains them to me.

This song from "Much Ado About Nothing", Shakespearean play, revels in celebration because it calls for the escape from love, from men. To be blithe and bonny, to be happy and beautiful. It's inviting women to celebrate love and caution women. To change sighs of woe to nothing, which is apparently everything. It's too deep for me to even understand.

The play is so beautiful, so much about love and life. My professor did a profound job in pushing this point upon us.

Blog not for the Weak

Due to female extremities, toilet paper is my friend.

I have a test tomorrow on Keats, on Coleridge, on Wordsworth, and so on. Some of their poems are really thought provoking. "Ode to Melancholy", oh the irony. haha

I'm truly okay. New beginnings have to come from somewhere, from the death of something else. Death isn't always negative; it can be rejuvenating.

The World is Ending

SALMONELLA OUTBREAK!
It's not just peanuts, spinach, tomatoes, but now also pistachios.
The end of the world is surely coming.

On a completely different note, obligation does not mean it cannot coincide with want, as in the verb. Obligation is perhaps more respectful, it does not consider want because that is too childish and whimsical, but rather obligation is consistent, stable, something to rely on.

Welcome all to La La Land

I wish I could marry Henry Tilney

In a quiet room and someone is playing N Sync. Going to go ballistic!

Had another dream again. Chased by demons again, except one of them was of someone I know. I wish people wouldn't stick their nose in my life, I hate creepers.

Cruel Reality of it All

I can't stand outright hypocrisy and you, you are the epitome of it.

I tried to beat the system-the buffet system

I am so bloated and nauseous; buffets are the devil's creation.

Reading Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey, it's very feminine and romanticized. Austen is really skillful at capturing the simple feelings of a woman or at least an idealistic woman.

I think I can read it better since I have no idea what the plot is compared to Pride and Prejudice. It'll be more of a pleasure to read I suppose. I need an intellectual romance novel from time to time.

Trying to be more environmentally aware--stop buying bottled water, use tap water and filter that shit to oblivion, thought it might not even have to be since it's regulated pretty well or so they say.

I'm disappointed with Korean Hana Yori Dango. People say it's good but I couldn't bare to watch and didn't get past episode 3 or 4.

Please excuse my grammatical mistakes...not in the right mind set as of late.