Tomorrow begins August doomsdays.

I'm going to have to play housewife, learn how to drive, and find a job. Okay, it's time to get down and dirty.

I don't want to return to Bingoland, even for a night. It's not worth it anymore; I just don't care.

Vegas, Grand Canyon, NoCal and SoCal...meet me there!

"Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."
"Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."

"There are just some kind of men who - who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results."

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."

"I think I'll be a clown when I get grown," said Dill. "Yes, sir, a clown.... There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off." "You got it backwards, Dill," said Jem. "Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them." "Well, I'm gonna be a new kind of clown. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks."

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Thank you God for all these people who are trying to help me find a job. I'm incredibly blessed.

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
-- Denis Waitley

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
-- Oprah Winfrey

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-- Mark Twain

Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
-- Steve Jobs

"The way you’d roll your sleeve up to hold my hand."

Memo for the future: Don't feel sorry for yourself. Work your hardest and be grateful for what you have.

If life hits you, fight back.

I wish I was part of the Wayans family. Damn.

Current obsessions:

Dead Nation


Suits, the show

I'm impatient; therefore, I need life to speed up a little bit. Though, school speed was too much. Maybe 65-70 mph wouldn't be that bad.

Priorities
1. Friends & Family
2. Career
3. Whatever is left

Post-graduation

I'm still at the library 80% of the time. That's dedication baby!

I wonder if we write the story or if the story writes us

This Friday is when Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Part II is finally released in theaters. I've always had a special spot for HP because of the similar age and the genius imagination that it exhibits, but there have been times where I would forget how much I love Harry Potter. I forget how many days I spent reading or watching it. I forget how many hours I cried over the death of Sirius, Hedwig, Lupin, and Dumbledore, and I forget how exhilarated I am when the characters are victorious in their battles.

When I return to these moments, I realize how much I will miss HP. I reread Deathly Hallows again after Part I, its movie counterpart, and realized how amazing the plot and details are. I originally hated the epilogue, but perhaps because I've grown older and have a couple of more experiences under my belt, it felt satisfying and fulfilling instead of cheap and rushed. And I'm sure J.K. Rowling had a long time to think about how to finish her story properly, so who am I to judge that it wasn't adequate at the age of 18 (when high school ended)?

I'm grateful for J.K. Rowling, who inspires thousands to dream. Even if I may never become as famous as a writer as Rowling, at least I know it's possible that a female who actually writes well can become an accomplished writer.

I'M MOVING. I'M GOING SOMEWHERE. I CAN'T STAY HERE. I CAN'T.

Here we go!

At least I have our friendship.

CarrollBlog 7.6

We are wrapped around each other
in the back of my father’s car parked
in the empty lot of the high school
of our failures, sweat on her neck
like oil. The next morning I would leave
for the war and I thought I had something
coming for that, I thought to myself
that I would not die never having
been inside her body. I lifted
her skirt above her waist like an umbrella
blown inside out by the storm. I pulled
her cotton panties up as high
as she could stand. I was on fire. Heaven
was in sight. We were drowning
on our tongues and I tried
to tear my pants off when she stopped
so suddenly we were surrounded
only by my shuddering
and by the school bells
grinding in the empty halls.
She reached to find something,
a silver crucifix on a silver chain,
the tiny savior’s head
hanging, and stakes through his hands and his feet.
She put it around my neck and held me
so long my heart’s black wings were calmed.
We are not always right
about what we think will save us.
I thought that dragging the angel down that night
would save me, but I carried the crucifix in my pocket
and rubbed it on my face and lips
nights the rockets roared in.
People die sometimes so near you,
you feel them struggling to cross over,
the deep untangling, of one body from another.

Bruce Weigl

Is it possible to feel like you hit rock bottom, but still feel like you're the shit?

How much are you willing to work for it? How much are you willing to sacrifice?

Je ne sais quoi, "I don't know what." "That something special", an elusive quality that you can't put your finger on.

Life by Henry Van Dyke

Let me but live my life from year to year,
With forward face and unreluctant soul;
Not hurrying to, nor turning from the goal;
Not mourning for the things that disappear
In the dim past, nor holding back in fear
From what the future veils; but with a whole
And happy heart, that pays its toll
To Youth and Age, and travels on with cheer.

So let the way wind up the hill or down,
O'er rough or smooth, the journey will be joy:
Still seeking what I sought when but a boy,
New friendship, high adventure, and a crown,
My heart will keep the courage of the quest,
And hope the road's last turn will be the best.

Life by Charlotte Bronte

LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

What though Death at times steps in
And calls our Best away ?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?
Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

What if you slept ?

And what if,
In your sleep
You dreamed ?

And what if,
In your dream,
You went to heaven
And there plucked
A strange and
Beautiful flower ?

And what if,
When you awoke,
You had the flower in your hand ?

Ah, what then?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Protect yourself so that nobody overrides you, overrules you, or steps on you. Just say, "Just a minute. I'm worth everything, dear."
-Maya Angelou

MEN
When I was young, I used to
Watch behind the curtains
As men walked up and down the street. Wino men, old men.
Young men sharp as mustard.
See them. Men are always
Going somewhere.
They knew I was there. Fifteen
Years old and starving for them.
Under my window, they would pauses,
Their shoulders high like the
Breasts of a young girl,
Jacket tails slapping over
Those behinds,
Men.

One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears,
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briefly,
Like the head of a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.
No keys exist.

Then the window draws full upon
Your mind. There, just beyond
The sway of curtains, men walk.
Knowing something.
Going someplace.
But this time, I will simply
Stand and watch.

Maybe.

-Maya Angelou

I suck at communication

I know I need to hear the truth, but every time I hear it, I'm a little crushed. But why should I be? I'm such a stubborn fuck.

Cousin: Do you really know what you want?
Me: No. I don't know what I want.

Facebook is the devil.

Wouldn't it be funny if I taught abroad in Dominican Republic?...No?

"...We both love bacon and country music, what more could you possibly want?"

What more could he want? It was an incredibly stupid question and when he failed to answer, I was reminded of just how lucky I truly am. Movie characters might chase each other through the fog or race down the stairs of burning buildings, but that's for beginners. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings. I wanted to say something to this effect, but my hand puppets were back home in their drawer. Instead, I pulled my chair a few inches closer, and we sat silently at our little table on the square, looking for all the world like two people in love.

-Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

"I'll chain its ass down if I have to, but ain't no baby of mine going to forsake the womb."

Patrice: It's like a crime scene in my pants.

Emma: I can't get laid?
Shira: No. Tonight is about me, Emma. I'm feeling hot. I'm feeling good. I'm wearing bikini bottoms because my other underwear is dirty. Alright, we're hot. You feel hot?
Emma: [shrugs] No one threw up on me today.
Shira: We're sluts, Emma. We're dirty, dirty sluts!
Emma: Okay.
Shira: Remember, we're sluts!

Emma: Ring ring! It's the pumpkin patch. They want their pumpkins back!
Lisa: We're not pumpkins!
Joy: We're ladies!
Emma: But you're so orange!
[Adam tries carrying Emma inside]
Emma: Hey! Someone call Charlie Brown! We found the Great Pumpkin!

Adam: You're crazy. I felt like Flava-Flav.
Emma: I can't believe you chose those girls.
Adam: You jealous?
Emma: Don't do that. Don't just disappear like that on me.
Adam: You told me to.
Emma: You shouldn't listen to me.
Adam: Alright, I won't.

No Strings Attached--I admire Natalie Portman