From a sadistic point of view, suffering is essential

I can't write. Nothing comes out, no emotions, no thoughts, 'noting'.

I'm beginning to think that suffering and depression is the one of the only ways to express anything. Think about it, if I'm happy...I'm too happy. I don't have the urge to vent through writing as I do when I'm upset. Many celebrated singers and writers had to suffer in order for their lyrics and words to touch the world.

I don't mean to come off saying, "OH YEAH! LET'S CAUSE PAIN AND DEATH!" For me, it's not just cause and effect because everything is connected. What may be effect for something may be the cause of it. Violence, corruption, death, and all these lovelies are wrong in itself and yet it evokes hope, faith, and honesty. Nothing is as it is. When one thing seems solid and true, it can be a complete different shade and change instantaneously. I truly believe that events happen for a reason; every event plays into the grand scheme of things that we humans, as little specks of the puzzle, could not possibly wrap our tiny minds around.

To reiterate myself from past entries:

"This is what historians usually do, quibble about cause and effect when the point is, there are times when the world is in flux and the right voice in the right place can move the world."
-Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game

This is so true. If it takes someone special to die, to be hurt, their death is not in vain even though the thought of someone perishing is too difficult to digest because their life is connected to hundreds of others, perhaps something bad that happens to that person causes a chain reaction, it moves someone else to change the world (I can say this-not in heartless way-because I think I have more than enough experience in the death department).

Everything is about timing.

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
-Stacey Charter

Did you ever notice the difference between someone from before and after a tragic event. The strong pull through and swallow the sorrow, using it as motivation; these are the ones if forced to make hard decisions for the sake of themselves and others, they will. [I've been watching Heroes too bloody much.]

I'd continue but...okay, I'll cut the crap. I'm rambling about things my brain cannot comprehend; I'm simply trying to ease the distress about returning to university.