Tracing the outline of your stocky figure

I am occasionally interested in strange boys but then I come to my senses, realizing that they are a bit weird. haha

Hey Hey You You! "You Yes You"

Hi Summer! I've missed you dearly.

Here's what I'm looking forward to:

Epik High concert
Metric concert
Harry Potter movie

1. More Job Applying
2. Poster Proposal for ICD
3. Making up Data and reading References for ICD for poster
4. Quiz for ICD
5. Environmental Test (this is by the far the hardest for me)
6. Environmental Paper, involving going to a creek for 2 hours and drawing a map (??????)
6. Read King Lear and finish Much Ado About Nothing
7. Pipe Dream Article due
8. Minah's & Lily's birthdays
9. Research Methods paper due and appointment at writing center
10. Shakespeare Discussion board and writing assignment
11. Relay for Life
12. Hillside House visit, living in next year
13. Volleyball Practice and Game
14. Spring Fling
15. Class presentation on our presentation in Research Methods
16. Edit Nat's paper
17. Perhaps catch up on British Lit II
18. Read Dorian Gray
19. Japan Night
20. ICD Poster
21. ICD paper

Even if I'm not prepared, the days still continue to come. And for some reason, I'm really grateful for it.

Much to say BUT little time to say it

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."-Mohandas Gandhi

In death, in pain...don't you realize there's hope? There's so much love, so much heart...forget it because it's a time where language fails.

"Promises, like pie-crust, are made to be broken."

Promises Like Pie-Crust
Christina Browning

Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?

You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.

If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.

Dead Meat

For slacking, I must pay my price. The next few weeks will lock me away in the library tower with no windows or any other form of escape, not even Prince Charming can save me.

Just for typical whiny blogging purposes, here is what must be done this week and next.

1. More Job Applying
2. Poster Proposal for ICD
3. Making up Data and reading References for ICD for paper & poster
4. Quiz for ICD
5. Environmental Test (this is by the far the hardest for me)
6. Environmental Paper, involving going to a creek for 2 hours and drawing a map (??????)
6. Read King Lear and finish Much Ado About Nothing
7. Pipe Dream Article due
8. Minah's & Lily's birthdays
9. Research Methods paper due and appointment at writing center
10. Shakespeare Discussion board and writing assignment
11. Relay for Life
12. Hillside House visit, living in next year
13. Volleyball Practice and Game
14. Spring Fling
15. Class presentation on our presentation in Research Methods
16. Edit Nat's paper
17. Perhaps catch up on British Lit II
18. Read Dorian Gray
19. Japan Night

I can do it right?

On a brighter note, I am officially TAing Developmental Psychology and officially a double major! Whoo! Go school! Go school! ....

Find me in the library somewhere.

SHOOT I SHOULDN'T HAVE STARTED TO WATCH THIS JAPANESE DRAMA!

Greatest fears turn into Nightmares

Last night I dreamt I was chilling with my TA and he was sitting next to me, we were talking and getting closer and then he says, "Yeah, I have to tell my boyfriend" something along those lines. All I could think about was AM I BEING PUNISHED?! WHY ARE ALL THE CUTE ONES GAY?!

Thankfully I woke up and realized it was only a dream...it was just a dream right? haha


Even though the girl sucked at singing-probably because she was nervous due to the guy since she was singing okay in the beginning-the guy was pretty damn good. His rap on her and Andy Ge was hilarious. His own rap, separate from the song, "Apple is so pretty that's why I like her. If she wasn't a Hei Sei (the girl group) girl, I would chase after her. But Andy Ge is here, and he would say, 'If you say stuff like this, I will slap you'." The song is the theme song for ISWAK (It Started with a Kiss) so when he was rapping the rap part, I loved it! I love guys like him, persistent and flirty, he's one of those guys that can bring a good blush to a girl's face.

Guilty Pleasures

My guilty pleasure is (drum roll please) pound cake, it's so simple (injected with loads of buttery goodness), but so wonderfully delicious.

I've been doing intense sit ups recently and it makes such a difference when I play volleyball, my jumps and hang times are higher and longer. I feel less sluggish too (water drinking and fruit snacking?).

On Thursday, I visited Harpur advising. It's funny because I got the same advisor every single time I've done walk-ins; however, this time he said to me, "I hoped I'd get you". I thought that he must have remembered me from previous times (apparently this might not have been the case). He then went on to ask me if I wrote for Pipe Dream, my university's paper, and he said he recognized me from my-awful-mug shot. I started to get nervous because well most opinion columns I write and most opinion columns written by others are generally published negatively.

It was hilarious because he was acting so nice to me, he usually is, but he kept asking if I was writing an article on harpur advising and feeding me lines about how good it really is, but I haven't had any negative experiences with harpus advising besides the occasional long wait and I wasn't really planning on writing harpur advising because I'm sure past columnists have written about it already.

I find this experience fascinating because it's still weird when people say they read what I write, half the time I feel like what I say is meaningless anyways. Yet, this revitalized my passion for writing, to touch and connect to people, to speak about my opinions and to influence others.

On another note, yesterday was the first time I went to large group Intervarsity, a Christian fellowship; I thought I would get angry at the hyprocrisy but perhaps because due to a different environment I felt brighter in a spiritual sense. I don't care much for the Bible or for what Christianity believes in anymore BUT I miss that spiritual rightness of things, the spiritual advice and the reestablishment of faith, hope, and unity.

The speaker also mentioned Dead Poets Society, I've heard of it, but I've never actually watched it before, so I watched-half-it last night. It gave me the idea that maybe I should start a creative writing club (since there's a poetry club already) and it'll include short stories, novels, and poetry. The idea is enticing.

Religious speakers can affect you more than in the typical religious way; they too have gone through schooling and are trying to find a meaning to life.

Boston Tea Party lives on!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090415/ap_on_re_us/tax_day_protests

Tea time anybody?

Hair needs volume, and so does life

Back at Binghamton. This time I'm going to do this differently-I always say this-by exercising and writing everyday-so far so good.

When I'm on campus, I usually get lost in academic work, but this time I need to take it easier and realize what I really want to do with my life. I wrote the first scene of my book (it sounds so grand, 'my book', but it's not, not at all).

Did you ever realize that the beginning IS the end?

An old folktale came up today in Shakespeare, Salt and Bread, and it was daunting because as my professor was reading it out loud, I remember rehearsing this story for the story telling contest in 7th or 8th grade. It's strange how stories from the past still survive in the present even if it's not in its original form.

Random thought: I've always been fascinated by black holes because it's something that leads to many questions, there's always an unknown and ominous aura to them.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20090414/sc_space/blackholecreatesspectacularlightshow
Bizarre light coming from a black hole?
http://www.space.com/common/media/video/player.php?videoRef=080428_blazar-coil

Currently listening to: Epik High's Fly

From a sadistic point of view, suffering is essential

I can't write. Nothing comes out, no emotions, no thoughts, 'noting'.

I'm beginning to think that suffering and depression is the one of the only ways to express anything. Think about it, if I'm happy...I'm too happy. I don't have the urge to vent through writing as I do when I'm upset. Many celebrated singers and writers had to suffer in order for their lyrics and words to touch the world.

I don't mean to come off saying, "OH YEAH! LET'S CAUSE PAIN AND DEATH!" For me, it's not just cause and effect because everything is connected. What may be effect for something may be the cause of it. Violence, corruption, death, and all these lovelies are wrong in itself and yet it evokes hope, faith, and honesty. Nothing is as it is. When one thing seems solid and true, it can be a complete different shade and change instantaneously. I truly believe that events happen for a reason; every event plays into the grand scheme of things that we humans, as little specks of the puzzle, could not possibly wrap our tiny minds around.

To reiterate myself from past entries:

"This is what historians usually do, quibble about cause and effect when the point is, there are times when the world is in flux and the right voice in the right place can move the world."
-Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game

This is so true. If it takes someone special to die, to be hurt, their death is not in vain even though the thought of someone perishing is too difficult to digest because their life is connected to hundreds of others, perhaps something bad that happens to that person causes a chain reaction, it moves someone else to change the world (I can say this-not in heartless way-because I think I have more than enough experience in the death department).

Everything is about timing.

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
-Stacey Charter

Did you ever notice the difference between someone from before and after a tragic event. The strong pull through and swallow the sorrow, using it as motivation; these are the ones if forced to make hard decisions for the sake of themselves and others, they will. [I've been watching Heroes too bloody much.]

I'd continue but...okay, I'll cut the crap. I'm rambling about things my brain cannot comprehend; I'm simply trying to ease the distress about returning to university.

Less is More, a phrase that never rung so true.

I finally bought a binder so I can put in my story ideas and I drew all over it.



Of course I messed this up since last night, but not too shabby.

I was trying to write yesterday and I automatically get into this formal English trance where everything I write has to be the correct way, the typical essay writing way. My writing lacks meaning and feeling. I don't know how to inject in it passion and life.

Riling up my ambition

I hope that if I ever do publish a book that it will be banned somewhere. I say this in the sense that if it is banned, it's because it's that moving and that revolutionary or rather the truth behind the words cannot be taken for what they are. Having something banned by you is amusingly honorable because society views your work as threatening, but banning it only makes people want to read it, hear it, and absorb it more.

I'm wary to rejoin AIM and Facebook, I like having no connection to the world except for my blog and my phone (even if that's hypocritical in itself and I cheat on MSN so I can speak with Lawrence).

But jumping out of these cages allowed me to jump into another. Another stalking magnet-twitter-has already sucked me in.

I was on www.mapthesoul.com, Epik High's self-made website and it really inspired me. I might have been obsessed with Big Bang, but Epik High, it's not even their music that I like, it's their life style. So many people sell out in the music industry when they make it big, but Epik High stays true. Since they give so much to the fans, even if I'm only a mini fan, I feel that I should buy their album and their book that they worked so hard on.

On another note, S.J. Maas is publishing Queen of Glass, a moving fantasy fiction piece which i had been reading for the past five years she's been updating on fictionpress, which is now taken off due to publication. Just knowing that there are people out there like Epik High, like S.J. Maas, like J.K. Rowling, and like Obama, who are treading on their own path, not a path already traveled, is awe-inspiring.

The famous and lesser known-but equally as important-all have the same agenda and rile up within me hope and ambition.

I think I may have found my motivation.

Oddly in the mood for rap.

Currently listening to: Tasha's Black Happiness & Nas' Hip Hop is Dead

On days like today,

it would be good to take my head out of the clouds.

The break is coming to an end and as I predicted, it flew by too quickly with nothing productive done. However, the break is not quite over yet so I hope to take this opportunity to work on writing and academics.

I feel the future clamoring towards me (such overused language).

Good Time = Good Company + Good Food

Coincidental--Mental

As I was coming home yesterday, I saw Raf on the train. I haven't seen him in a couple years. He sat nearby and put his headphones on, and I was too lazy and too embarrassed to get up and say hi. When his stop came up, the one before mine, he got up and we were able to make eye contact. He said, "I haven't seen you in so long". The doors closed and I said, "Weren't you supposed to get off?" He said, "Nah, I haven't seen you in a while, it's worth it to talk to you".

I kid you not he said something along those lines, I felt so special. haha

So he talked and I talked trying to dissipate any awkwardness before it arises and he walked me home.

I realized that I'm not hiding from everyone from my past. There are people who I do miss and who I do wish to see. It's good to know that I'm not completely avoiding my past.




This video is on constant replay. Oh GD.

How Foolish of Me

To think that not just anyone can write is such a presumptuous thought. I've come to realize that anyone can write creatively as long as they possess the emotions to relate. Grammar and all those literary techniques are influential in writing, but at the same time it does not take any of those superfluous rules of English to have the reader understand what the writer is trying to say or how the writer feels.

Queen of Glass is a beautifully written, and inspirational, fiction piece written on fictionpress.com. It's actually being published, I knew it would, but just knowing that it's reachable or rather possible...it forces all my anxiety and hopes and dreams to brim over.

This is what I wanted, but it is not close to what I needed

Snacking on Chinese crackers and Kit Kat is not how I imagined my Spring break to be, then again I assumed it would turn out this way. After the first full day's rest, I started to feel anxious again, thinking about my future and how I'm wasting away any potential I might have. I'm in the prime of my youth, but it feels like I'm still a little kid who has no clue with what's going on in the world. It's frustrating to know that only after the years have past will I realize what I should have done.

Is it pathetic that I'm a dreamer or is it more pathetic that I'm too cowardly to achieve them? There's too many things I would like to get better at or achieve, but not enough confidence or courage to do so.

If a gloomy day can change drastically into a sunny one, would it be too much to expect that I will become someone I hope to be.

Sigh no more

"[She] walked towards me, directly at me, and just said 'Hi.' And then I just knew, you know, it's over with," he told Oprah.

I was thinking of how much I would love to have a Henry Tilney or a Benedick, but I never thought such a perfect man would exist, since they're fictional. But I stand corrected. Johnny Depp (and Hugh Jackman) you perfect men you!

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never:
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy:
Then sigh not so, etc.

Like usual, I don't realize the intention or the beauty of certain writings until someone explains them to me.

This song from "Much Ado About Nothing", Shakespearean play, revels in celebration because it calls for the escape from love, from men. To be blithe and bonny, to be happy and beautiful. It's inviting women to celebrate love and caution women. To change sighs of woe to nothing, which is apparently everything. It's too deep for me to even understand.

The play is so beautiful, so much about love and life. My professor did a profound job in pushing this point upon us.

Blog not for the Weak

Due to female extremities, toilet paper is my friend.

I have a test tomorrow on Keats, on Coleridge, on Wordsworth, and so on. Some of their poems are really thought provoking. "Ode to Melancholy", oh the irony. haha

I'm truly okay. New beginnings have to come from somewhere, from the death of something else. Death isn't always negative; it can be rejuvenating.